Pentru că la un moment dat va deveni bărbat.
Și lumea are deja prea mulți bărbați violenți, agresivi, cruzi, care nu înțeleg atunci când li se spune ”nu”, ”nu vreau”, ”lasă-mă”, ”te rog pleacă”, ”nu TE vreau”, ”nu vreau asta”.
1. ”NU” înseamnă nu.
Și atât. NU.
Nu înseamnă ”da”, ”poate”, ”hai că mă mai gândesc”, ”mai insistă tu și mai vedem”, ”am zis nu, dar pot fi convinsă înspre da”, ”ignoră-mă”, ”fă-mă să mă răzgândesc”.
2. ”NU” trebuie acceptat cu demnitate atunci când ești adult.
Nu trebuie să urle, să țipe, să pornească un scandal monstru, să răcnească, să lovească cu pumnii în perete, să lovească, să dea, să bată, să zgâlțâie, să amenințe, să rănească.
Apropo, dacă ați intra puțin în DM-urile mele și ați vedea câți soți dau cu pumnii în pereți și trântesc mobila răcnind pentru că i-au enervat / supărat / cicălit partenerele, ați fi surprinși.
3. Unii oameni nu o să vrea să îți fie prieteni și asta este ok. Și acest refuz din partea lor trebuie acceptat cu demnitate.
M-a surprins foarte tare, în perioada dezbaterilor despre serialul ”Adolescence”, cum lumea vorbea despre bullying, despre cât de tare a suferit protagonistul, despre cum a fost el luat peste picior și cât de mult rău i s-a făcut, dar se discuta mai puțin despre alt unghi de abordare – de fapt, că o fată a fost înjunghiată de un băiat care a invitat-o în oraș, iar ea l-a refuzat.
Pentru că el nu a putut accepta refuzul ei.
4. Nimeni nu e responsabil pentru emoțiile tale.
Asta e destul de greu de explicat la 6 ani și sunt sigură că încă n-o înțelege decât așa, papagalicește, deci v-o explic mai în detaliu pentru că mie mi se pare foarte importantă. Încerc să-i spun că e ok să fie furios, dar că nu e vina nimănui din jur pentru că el simte furie. Încerc să-i spun că e ok să fie trist, dar că nu e vina nimănui din jur pentru că el simte tristețe. E ok să simtă ORICE, dar nu e vina nimănui din jur pentru ca el are acea emoție și nimeni din jur nu trebuie pedepsit pentru asta.
Pentru că nu e corect să aibă discursul clasic de abuzator – victimă: ”Uite ce M-AI FĂCUT să fac! Uite cum m-am comportat din cauza ta! Eu eram ok, dar tu M-AI FĂCUT să mă înfurii, să-mi pierd controlul, să îți fac rău!”
5. Când o fată te refuză, nu trebuie să pornești o adevărată cruciadă pentru a o cuceri.
Acceptă refuzul din prima.
Tema asta n-aș fi pornit-o chiar la 6 ani, dar a avut o discuție cu verișorul lui mai mare, de 10 ani, care i-a povestit că i-a cerut unei colege de clasă să fie iubita lui, iar ea l-a refuzat.
– Și tu ce ai decis să faci? l-am întrebat eu pe verișorul lui Mircea.
– Cum ce am decis? Am decis să încerc iar și iar și iar până când o conving că sunt băiatul perfect pentru ea.
…Nu.
Să nu vă închipuiți că lucrurile merg ca pe roate. Are 6 ani. La supărare bineînțeles că mai răcnește, spune prostii, aruncă cu jucării prin casă, o împinge pe sor-sa și spune lucruri ca ”Te urăsc!”, ”Nu mai ești prietena mea!”, ”Nu te mai invit la ziua mea!”.
Dar continui. Insist. Ghidez. Respir adânc. Și povestesc cu el iar și iar și iar.
Pentru că nu, cazul Teodorei n-a fost un accident neașteptat.
A fost deja al 25-lea caz de femicid din România care a avut loc în primele 5 luni ale acestui an.
Și avem nevoie să ne creștem băieții ceva mai bine, ceva mai înțelept, ceva mai cu grijă, ceva mai atent.
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