Copilul MeuMom Enough

Încă ne lovim copiii în parcuri, nu-i așa?…

Am stat mult să mă gândesc dacă să scriu sau nu despre ceea ce am văzut acum o săptămână în Edenland, însă pentru că Mircea îmi aduce non-stop aminte de acel eveniment și îmi cere să i-l povestesc iar și iar (semn că l-a marcat mult, așa fac copiii când ceva îi impresionează), o să îl împărtășesc cu voi aici. E cu trigger warning, nu e foarte confortabil de citit, dar cred că ajută.

Săptămâna trecută am fost cu Mircea la Edenland și am pornit ca de obicei pe unul dintre traseele din copaci. Puștiul e deja obișnuit cu ele, le parcurge ușor și rapid, acum nu mai avem de lucru la gestionarea fricii sau la îndemnânare, ci la exersarea răbdării față de copiii din jurul lui (să aștepte când cineva din față se mișcă mai greu, să nu îi grăbească, să nu îi certe dacă nu respectă reguli sau dacă se poticnesc).

În fața lui era, pe același traseu de copii mici, și o fetiță mai mare (aș zice 8 ani), care se vedea că e prima oară pe un astfel de traseu din copaci, pentru că se mișca greu, fără îndemânare și îi era foarte frică. Draga de ea, cât îi înțeleg frica asta care îngheață. La absolut fiecare pas, tatăl ei o presa, îndemna, grăbea, se lua de ea sau o apostrofa, mai întâi mai blând, apoi din ce în ce mai enervat. Pe măsură ce părintele se enerva din ce în ce mai tare, fetița parcă îngheța din ce în ce mai rău, nu mai vedea pe unde-și pune picioarele, spunea ”Nu!!” la fiecare etapă, se bloca la fiecare obstacol. Era sfâșietor să îl vezi pe tătic cum insistă, cu zero înțelegere și multă, multă iritare, și pe fetiță cum era complet copleșită de teamă și disconfort.

Înainte de ultima etapa a traseului, adică tiroliana, fetița s-a blocat complet de frică, a început să plângă, a strigat în repetate rânduri ”Nu! Nu!”, iar tatăl, enervat, i-a tras câteva palme la fund, deși ea a strigat la el: ”Nu mai da! Nu mai da!”. Era atât de înfricoșată încât nici cu palmele primite nu a vrut să meargă mai departe, cineva din echipa Edenland a trebuit să vină și să îi descuie carabinele, ca să o dea jos de pe traseu. Heartbreaking.

Sunt câteva lucruri pe care aș vrea să le notez pornind de aici, și o să încep cu faptul că am toată înțelegera și empatia pentru părinții stresați, obosiți, suprastimulați, depășiți de situații, copleșiți de emoții pe care nu i-a învățat nimeni să și le gestioneze. Dar. Darrrrr.

Un copil niciodată nu învață când îi este frică. Frica îl îngheață, îl paralizează, îl înfurie, îl face obedient, îl face să fugă, să lupte – dar când creierul este inundat de frică, acolo nu mai este loc pentru niciun proces de învățare.

Un copil niciodată nu simte motivare când îi este frică. Poate să simtă disconfort, poate să simtă tristețe, poate să simtă frustrare, chiar ură, dar motivarea aceea pe care noi părinții o căutăm la ei? Nu vine din frică.

Un copil niciodată nu va construi o amintire frumoasă bazată pe un moment în care i-a fost frică. Până la urmă, de asta mergem cu copiii în parcuri, la Edenland, la Zoo, la trasee în copaci, pentru a construi amintiri frumoase, nu? Nicio amintire minunată nu poate încolți în acel moment din timp în care știi că adultul important din viața ta te-a plesnit. Credeți-mă pe cuvânt, am fost plesnită și înjurată de părinți pe o plajă luxoasă din Thailanda – NIMIC din acea vacanță exotică nu îmi aduce bucurie, pentru că o asociez numai cu certuri, umilințe și plesneli.

Cei mici sunt oglinda perfectă a acțiunilor mamei, tatălui și persoanelor apropiate din jurul lor. Vor imita exact ce vor vedea și ce li se arată, iar dacă le arătăm violență, furie și nervi, atunci li se va părea firesc să-și gestioneze emoțiile prin fix acea violență, furie și nervi pe care le-au primit. Vor învăța că este în regulă să fie loviți și umiliți de un adult care încearcă să-și impună punctul de vedere, că este ok să nu aibă control asupra propriului corp care poate fi smucit, lovit și plesnit în funcție de nervii părintelui, că iubirea părintească este condiționată de comportamentul lor. Așa că nu, hai să nu-i lovim, oricât de mult ne-ar enerva, oricât de mult ne-ar veni să-i legăm de o racheta de-a lui Elon Musk cu destinața Marte, oricât de mult ne-ar apăsa cele mai sensibile butoane.

Vă las cu câteva dintre lucrurile pe care și eu mi le spun, când îmi vine să fac ca trenul și să ridic palma asupra copilului meu. Pentru că îmi vine uneori, deși n-o fac niciodată:

Nu-l lovi, pentru că loviturile și bătaia o să-l facă să simtă durere, umilință, furie, ciudă și frică. Nu-l lovi, pentru că fiecare lovitură o să vă știrbească relația, încet-încet, până când nimic pe lumea asta n-o să mai poată repara prăpastia abruptă dintre voi.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că fiecare palmă o să-i zdruncine încrederea în tine până n-o să mai rămână nimic de zdruncinat.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că educația, respectul și buna purtare nu se nasc din bătaie și violență.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că loviturile vor semăna în copil doar dorința de răzbunare, de eliberare de sub influența părinților, acești oameni mari care au puterea de a-i face rău.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că el va învăța din bătăi că merită să fie lovit și că violența este o soluție bună.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că de fapt nu pe el ești furios: el a fost doar triggerul care a venit pe fondul oboselii, stresului și propriilor tale furii.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că, atunci când va fi mare, nu-ți dorești ca amintirile lui despre tine să aibă momente de violență, palme și bătăi. Crede-mă, e oribil pentru ambele părți.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că la un moment dat, când va crește și se va transforma în adolescent, va lovi înapoi cu toată setea pe care a căpătat-o din umilință și furie. Din nou, crede-mă, e oribil pentru ambele părți.
Nu-l lovi, pentru că există șanse mari ca fix acum să-i transmiți că va fi ok să-și lovească și el copilul, iar trauma asta generațională nu se va opri cu tine, ci va continua.

PS. În continuare am remușcări pentru că nu am intervenit când tăticul și-a lovit fetița. Am paralizat și eu, lângă el, din cauza unui alt moment similar în care am intervenit, pe când Mircea avea un an și jumătate, și era să primesc o mamă de bătaie și eu, și el, de la un tată furios care și-a îndreptat mânia asupra noastră, pentru că i-am spus să nu-și mai lovească băiețelul. Încă nu știu cum este mai bine să mă comport în astfel de situații când am și copiii lângă mine și când nu sunt cu Dorin prin apropiere (deci când sunt cu atât mai vulnerabilă), aștept gândurile voastre.

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